A restless night!

It's been about three months since this happened.I had a great relationship with a person A.Now person A was close to another person B too.Somebody mis represented to person B about somethings that happened between me and person A which resulted in a deterioration of relationship between A and B.Now A thought it was me who did it ,which infact I did not ,which resulted in a deterioration of the relationship between A and me.

But A was good enough to tell me about the mis representation that happened and I was furious at that moment and wanted to know who did it.But the irony of life is,though i wanted to know who did it,at the same time i didn't want to know who did it.For me,the damage had already been done,the bad blood was spewn,anymore dwelling in to find the truth would only reveal more names which i probably didn't want to hear.The very foundations of trust and faith were broken in the mis representation.It resulted in lot of pain for atleast 3 people emotionally.

Now I don't know why this happened,but it happened.For me who values ideals like freedom,trust and faith so much,this was shattering.I could not fathom why would anyone do like that.I had two options either i prove my innocence and in the process drag the person who did it(I didn't want to know it because i knew it had to be someone close to me) or else just accept what has happened and let it go!For me the decision was very difficult and painful but it was obvious what i would choose.

Now A went through a lot of pain after this and has gone away from my life more or less,I dont know how things are between A and B.But somehow all this has left a very bad taste.For me who seeks truth and knowledge this was an irony where in I did not want the truth revealed.Though i desperately wanted to get back the relationship in order ,i knew after this there would always be an invisible barrier and the relationship would never be the same unless great maturity prevails in everyone and everyone sees the same side of the coin.

I know things like this happen in everyone's life and everyone deals with it in one way or the other and there is no right way of dealing with things.Decisions are taken,sacrifices are made,tears fall but finally it boils down to one thing - what happened and what each one interpreted and how does that fit in each other's reality.If it fits in then great,if not then you will have to accept it however painful or sad it is.Pain or sadness is an emotion which shows up when a particular expectation is not met.

I have dwell ed a lot into what a relationship actually means after this.There is no conclusive answer but I guess one can't be there for another always.We will have to fight our own battles in life and learn about it our own way,if you dont fall you don't learn and cannot appreciate life.Life is bound to be a senseless amount of pitfalls and agonies with which you fight and in the process appreciate life more and happiness and relationships gets a true definition.

I have also learned that in a relationship(you can give it any name) you give the other person enough freedom to experiment and fall and learn and you hold them or give comfort or support them only when they cannot go anymore and only for a brief period so that they can rest and begin the process all over again.

Its 2 AM now, I was sleeping and i don't know for what reason all these thoughts came flooding through and i became restless and woke up.I know i have to come to terms with this and time as always will be the best healer,but i just decided to pen down these thoughts of mine which i dont even know whether it makes sense but these are just thoughts of mine in a particular state of mind which maybe when i look down upon 10 years down the lane might mean something else.